BimpeeDimps: The Problem With Being Tall

The Problem With Being Tall

Welcome to my first blog post!

So have you noticed that being tall isn't easy. Don't worry though, it's not the worst thing either. Trust me when I say that there are things that are much more terrible. You know, like when you're reading a book and you're favorite character dies. Thanks John Green. Thanks. Right now I'm going to tell you the problems with being tall and how you can use your gift to strut towards victory.

Buying Clothes is a Struggle

I'm 5'11 so I understand how clothes shopping can be hard for us vertically gifted people. Especially with trousers. Why is it that when you're buying school trousers the longer the trouser length the wider the waist gets? Seriously, my school trousers could have housed a family of four. This goes for jeans too. Do I go for the right length but have them be too big on my waist or do I go for the right size and have them be too short? Forget it, I guess I'm going trouser-less.There are only so many clothes that look cute and are the right length and size. Have you ever found a top that is so perfect for you and just felt like it was the one? Come on, you guys know what I'm talking about. When you pick up a top and that single spotlight shines down on you, then Etta James starts singing At Last. As you waltz towards the changing room everyone in the shop starts applauding because they know, THEY KNOW you've reached ultimate happiness. Sales assistants high five you and pat you on the back. You've got this. You slip the beauty over your head and then... It doesn't fit. The sleeves are way too short! They don't reach anywhere near your wrists! You end up looking like you had a mishap with your washing machine. Next we have dresses, wonderful things. Except when you're tall and want to wear a dress it ends up looking a little... Short of course. That then leads to a day of adjusting your hem line so you don't end up having a Marilyn Monroe moment. Plus people think you're doing it on purpose because you walk into school one day with a knee length skirt and the next time you wear it, it barely reaches your thigh. No I'm not an attention seeker, just tall.

Single Pringles All Around

Being tall at the mere age of 14 or 15 probably means that you are the tallest person in your class. Actually everywhere. Including the boys, which leads you to believe that you're going to be single forever. You're going to go around life looking at all these gorgeous couples where the girl is shorter than the boy. Tumblr doesn't help much either. It's especially great when people say things like 'You're going to have to bend at your wedding to kiss your husband!' Am I supposed to laugh at that or cry... What annoys me the most is when people say 'You can not wear heels or you're going to look like some giant.' Listen love, I'm pretty sure I can wear whatever I want. TV, please can there be a couple where the girl is taller than the guy. I don't think that's too much to ask. Don't worry though, the guys shoot up like beanstalks soon after. It's kind of scary actually. One day you're Naomi Campbell, the next you're Hayden Panettiere.

The Amazing World of Awkward

When you're tall it makes everything just a little more awkward. One of the reasons is because of the things I dread. These are kryptonite to every tall person. The grotesque, the ghastly... Hugs. What are you supposed to do during these things? Can we just shake hands and call it a day? If I bend I look like a scared cat! Do I just wrap my hands around your neck and pray it will be over fast? Sitting down alone is a struggle. I am very sorry that my knees are crushing yours, and no we are not playing footsie my legs are just cramped from having being in this position for so long and I need to stretch them. Airplanes are the bane of my life! Please do not decide that's it is time to push your chair back because I will be in excruciating pain for 8 hours. Another thing that just adds joy to my life is group pictures. It's time to face the facts my tall friends. You will not be in front at a class photo and taking pictures with your friends is never fun. Sorry guys but, you give me two choices. I can crouch so I fit in the shot or just stand and have people realise the amazing height difference there is. Yay. Plus people always seem to think that I'm walking way too fast. Nope, long legs just equals long strides. But seriously sometimes you guys need to walk faster. Don't forget beds, baths and beyond. See what I did there? Sometimes I wonder if I will be able to find a bed or a bath that accommodates my feet also. It's not fun having your feet hanging out of everything because I'm pretty sure Randall from Monsters Inc is going to kill me. It's like the world doesn't want me to be warm or clean, I basically have to go on my knees just to wash my hands.

The Glorious Names and the Wonderful Questions

Dear ignoramuses who think it's cool and funny to be mean to tall people. Don't be. If I had a pound for every time someone called me Long legs, Giant or a Giraffe I would be number 12 on the Forbes billionaire list. If you're going to call me names, make it original. Add some flavour into your bowl of hatred and impertinence. That's not the most severe part though, that would be the idiotic questions and statements. 'How's the weather up there?' Same as how it is down there. 'Do you play basketball?' Or even 'You must be fast?' No I don't play basketball, but I do play a mean game of Snakes and Ladders. Nothing compares however to when I hear 'Oh my gosh, you're so tall! Like, how tall are you?' Wha- Really, I'm tall! I wondered why I kept hitting my head on all those door frames! Banter or not I'd rather not only be noticed for my height. How about noticing other things like the fact that I'm extremely uncomfortable with the amount of time we have been talking just about my height. It's not fun for me and I really don't understand why it is for you. Also to all you people who like to measure yourself against me and say 'Oh, I think I'm getting taller!' Do I look like a walking measuring stick to you?

Now, now, you may be thinking that being tall doesn't come with any perks. But just ask yourself have you ever needed help getting the last packet of biscuits off the top shelf? Plus clothes, when they do fit, look amazing on you and when all those 6" guys are looking for an equally tall and attractive partner, don't be afraid to introduce yourself. You my dear are wonderful and beautiful and just think one day when there is a zombie apocalypse you and your long legs will be able to run to safety before you hear 'Brainssssss!' Tyra Banks, Adriana Lima and Gisele Bundchen are just a few on the list of tall and gorgeously gifted ladies whose height has taken them to higher places. Pun intended. Never let anyone tell you there is such a thing as too tall! Rock your heels and strut down the sidewalk exclaiming and 'I am tall and I am working it!'