The Problem With Public Transport

The Problem With Public Transport

Hey and welcome back to my blog!

So I take public transport. A lot. I wish I didn't have to. Public Transport is like the real life Saw franchise. There is no telling when the next obstacle will jump out and kill you. Trust me, it will kill you. Whether it's buses, trains, coaches or planes, public transport is never fun. Especially in England where there is no mercy for other passengers. Of course we can't forget the 30 school kids who decide to push everyone else out of the way to get on the bus. I mean it's not like the bus is empty and we're all going to get on anyway... So here are my problem's with public transport.

•  Overflowing Vacancy

Have you ever got on a bus that was almost completely empty? I mean there may be a guy in the back reading 50 Shades of Grey and the odd women in the front stroking her pet cat but apart from that the bus is empty and you are in utter bliss. You take a seat and prepare to enjoy your journey oblivious to the fact that someone else got on the bus with you. Crossing your fingers you pray that this guy who is holding an extra large meal of fish and chips and is wearing extremely short shorts and a tank top does not sit near you. As he presses his oyster card onto the reader the world seems to go in slow motion and nothing feels right, everything is backwards. He strides towards you and it seems Ariana Grande can't sing, Simon Cowell's teeth are yellowing, Dylan O'Brien isn't the funniest guy ever and the bus is full. Well apparently so, because this guy decides to sit right next to you! Really? There are 25 other free seats and the whole of the upstairs deck but I guess this seat was just calling your name. Now my sunshine and rainbow filled sky has been evaded by the smell of fish and a near death experience caused by your mini sneak peek. It's great to have company but when you're on an empty bus two's a crowd. This picture sums everything up perfectly.

•  Strange Encounters With The Other Kind

London is filled with a lot of unique characters but some are just a little more eccentric than others. Let me tell you a little story of my journey home from school one day. The bus was full and there were people standing so I was pleased I had a seat. Well that was until one of these oddities decided to sit next to me. I'm guessing this guy was a little... Under the influence. I had to endure the remaining two stops I had until my release, but then this guy decided he wanted to have a chat with me. With his face two inches from mine. From the looks on the other passengers faces, they were praying for me. I can honestly say I have never been more freaked out. This was not the only strange encounter I have had. While I was waiting for my train at the station with my mum we were educated to not give people on the streets with dogs any money by an obvious animal lover . This happens to be a very good message but then again you see he was *glug, glug, glug.* To the couples making out in the back of the bus or train, please stop. I'm pretty sure my ticket doesn't come with a private show. What's fun about public transport is it's always interesting when someone weird gets on the bus. Oh, I didn't know Darth Vader took the 282. Public Transport in reality is a lot different from the YouTube prank videos which are funny and enjoyable. Please for the sake of the other passengers try to be a little more reserved. This is coming from the girl who did a fashion model catwalk on the train. So I'm hypocritical, sue me.  

• Just a Little Bit Louder

Do you want to know what's great? When people play their music on the bus out loud. Seriously it is just delightful being able to hear Tinchy Stryder declare to you that you're his Number 1. Similarly I am just so content when a school trip decides to use public transport to get to their destination. Yeah love, can you just speak a bit louder because I don't think the people in China can hear you yet? Come on, what is going on? You do realise that there are other people on the bus? Mothers we love you and praise you for your ability to deliver and raise a child. But when your child is shrieking and demanding for a cookie, I suggest you give them that cookie. Sometimes Most times ignoring them doesn't work. I walked onto the bus a vision of health and am getting off with cephalalgia. Teenage girls and boys, in your prime years I understand you are easily excitable but remember there are other generations who may not appreciate you telling the story of how Brad cheated on you with your sister loud enough for it to be heard by Seth Rogan and turned into a movie. The same goes for you phone users, if after the fourth time you ask scream 'Can you hear me now,' they still can't hear you. Just. Hang. Up. 

• The F Team 

Now the members of The F Team are people who would fail the test of public transport etiquette. These are the people who only get their Oyster card out when they are at the card reader. Doing this during London rush hour will get you murdered. That's if looks could kill. Again mothers we love you, but I'm not really feeling your child pulling my hair. Saying 'Sorry' and laughing doesn't cut it. Mr I'm-Going-To-Work-With-A-Wheely-Luggage I want to thank you on behalf of everyone in the country for putting your luggage directly in front of the train door. Don't worry about the fact that you have just created a remake of the Mr Bean's Holiday scene by spending a lifetime trying to rearrange the position of your luggage. At least now you're the guardian of this child. Understandably, people have colds. British weather isn't exactly the best. However can you please tell me why they think it's okay to sneeze directly onto the poles that stop people from falling over? So many germs. Don't worry though, I really wanted to be horrifically sick but I didn't want to pay, so thanks now I have a cold free of charge. Oh, and take your feet and your backpack off the chair! Some people actually want to use those things for the right reasons. At the minimum put your socks back on. Can it be a thing now that if someone breaks any rules that leads to them to being a part of The F Team we just stare at them until they get the message. Let's make that a thing.

• The Trunchbull of Drivers

This is for all the bus drivers that simply enjoy making your life a little bit more difficult. My condolences to everybody who the driver has seen running yet decides to drive by the bus stop without you. Even though it's raining. Hailstones. Plus my umbrella has decided to channel Mary Poppins. When you are 18 or younger your Oyster card on buses is free and sometimes you forget it because you're literally already late to school and have been 16 times before. So my dear bus drivers why is it so hard for you to just let me onto the bus? It's free anyway and my embarrassment of a school uniform should be enough for you to pity me and let me on with what's left of my dignity. When you're going to school in the morning the bus is most likely to be full to the brim with students and parents on the way there. This means that everyone is pretty much cramped into a really uncomfortable position. So when the next bus stop has faces eager to get on at the bus window it is still hard for me to comprehend why the driver thinks opening the doors and yelling to everyone to move down is going to change much. Oh okay, I'll just sit on this stranger's lap. Speaking of the bus being full have you ever encountered a situation when you and your friends are going out and the bus finally comes? You get on the bus and although you're packed in like a sardine, you've made it. Or so you thought, because when you turn around your friend is outside still. Yikes. So you ask the driver to open the doors to let you off or let your friend on as politely as you can, but they aren't having it. Well then, I guess I'll meet you there.

Buses and trains aren't all bad though, how would anyone unable to drive get anywhere without them? Plus, sometimes we need a larger than life character to help get our day started with a smile. So whenever you end up seated by a fish loving passenger or a complete wackadoodle, just smile!